fuh fuh

fuhh fuhh *tiup habuk* okay, dah berhabuk tebal blog ini. Haha. Okay, I admit it. I'm a lazy bum bum. Malas nak kisah pasal blog ni dah actually. Tapi tiba-tiba today, rasa nak write something, somehow I have no specific topic to write on actually. Anyways, last tulis kat blog ni was like middle of October?! So kite dah lepas, Raya Haji, mother and father dah balik dari Haji berbulan lamanya, then kite dah lepas, Maal Hijrah. Then we've celebrated New Year and the latest is; Chinese had celebrated Chinese New Year. See, how long have I neglected this blog. Haha.

So I've finished my first semester for Degree. Degree isn't that bad actually. Even though, I had to mix with new classmates but I did have fun and yes, of course, it was a tense semester, as most of my classmates are nerds. Like study for twenty-seven. Oh gosh. Book here and there. Library yesterday, today, tomorrow. Oh man, so I was being me. I did follow them to the library. But hurmm, this is Akmar. I study for like half & hour, then I couldn't concentrate anymore. :( Only if I could give full attention.. I wouldn't have any problems to answer my finals. Anyhow, what's past is past. No point of nagging pun kan.. Just that I wish I could change my attitude by giving full attention like how my friends did when they study. Okay, that was a bit about my studies, I guess.

Oh, yeah, kini I dah berubah. I mean, appearance la. I sekarang dah pakai tudung. I started wearing hijab, masa Maal Hijrah. It was a big thing for me. Me changing to a new phase. And seriously, I was so scared-nervous-anxious-etc bile pakai tudung, cause I was afraid of what people might say. Alhamdulillah, I managed to pull it off. I pegi college dengan perasaan yang gementar yg amat la sangat, but then I got positive feedbacks from my friends. Alhamdulillah sgt to that. :) People were actually happy to see my change. Mama and Abah was also supportive. Mama pass me her tudung, Abah belanje me new tudung. Alhamdulillah again.  I can say that, wearing hijab isn't that bad after all. I am still me, just that I had to be more graceful, pastu I had to be commited towards my aurat. Tapi kadang- kadang tu I keluar still pakai short sleeve. I'm trying to change, and  I believe it takes time. One at a time.. InsyaAllah, after this, I try not to wear short sleeve, or if I do wear short sleeve, I'll make sure, I put on hand socks, to cover my arms. InsyaAllah. 

Okay la, till here only maaaa. Byebye

betul betul terlupa nak update blog. *dah October lah*

Ehe. Hi all. Lama sgt kan tak update blog ni. Bukan ape, terlupa daa. *like anyone's looking forward for my update kann* Just wanna say that blog ni makin lama makin berkurang entry die, because I'm getting lazier to write. Anyways, nak cakap ni, now we're in the middle of October already. Guess what, it's already a month I'm in Shah Alam. Andddd, I haven't found anything interesting here. Maybe sebab every weekend balik kan. Then weekdays, busy with classes and balik class je tired. Then nak buat tutorials and all. Mmg kekurangan masa. everything's in a rush.

Oh yeah, for your information, my convocation is end of this month ie 31 October. Memang hari last kan. Too bad, mother and father is not here to celebrate together. Mereka telah pergi menunaikan haji. Their flight was on 12 October. *hoping you guys pray that mother and father would have a safe journey, selamat pergi dan pulang. Amin* Since, mother and father pergi haji, I'm in charge of paying all the payments. Perghh, terasa so independent. Yeayy! dah boleh jadi Miss independent kannn. :D

Oh yeah, a bit about my studies, #wow. Mcm blur pun ade juga, lecturer ajar macam laju sangat. No wonder all the seniors and even my cousins and brother said that Degree ni susah. I join the club kate Degree ni susah oi. Everything's on your own. It's like "kau nak pandai kau kena usaha lebih" in which get your own notes, meaning search and find notes, tak pun, give full attention during lecture. And, that is the most difficult thing for me to do, sebab masuk je class I ngantuk, bile mengantuk je I dalam class. -__-" haa, macam tu la. Tapi still la, belajar is still better than working. Not ready to enter the job world. A no no to that for the time being. When you study you feel so youthful. Macam enjoy eventhough you pressure. :D Yang hilangkan stress is when you spend time with friends and merepek-ing. A yes to that!! *eh banyak pulak dah tulis ni, excited kot, sebab lama tak tulis. Ehe*

Okaylah, I wanted to write more, but I'm sleepy. It's already 3am in the morning. *#nowlistening Back To December* Gottogo. Byebye. Till then. :)

sekarang emotions mmg tak menentu.

Lama dah tak blogging. Oh mann, now I mcm tak taw how I feel. I can be happy at a minute then sad the next minute. Jiwa I tak tenteram. There's so much things playing on my head. And yeah, orang may not see it because I don't usually express how I feel. You might see me as cheerful, happy and all but actually I'm not. When I'm alone I jadi anxious, sad and mcm tak tenteram. I tried to search why I was sad and all, and I found it, just that it was all so blurly. It was like questions with so many 'WHAT IFs..'. So in order to make sure that I'm not in a worried condition. I mixed up with friends. Time tu je la I can try to ease my mind, but hey, those problems are still rapidly playing on my head.

Now as I'm writing this thing. I sangat sedih actually. I rasa macam nak nangis sangat- sangat. Bile I tak tenteram orang kata ambil wuduk and solat. I buat tu jgk. If tak boleh jugak I should baca Yassin. So I akan cuba buat these two things. I nak nangisss. ;'( *okay mata dah berair T_T * 

I tak berapa suka dengan apa yang I rasa sekarang ni. I want to be happy without any worries. But somehow when I think again. There's this point in your life, where you'd feel so lonely even though there's so many people around you, supporting you. Masa ni, all you need is just some time alone. Untuk clear up your mind and plan things. Besides you're trying to make sure things go the way you want them to be. InsyaALLAH. I pray each single day. May Allah give some peace in my mind and hoping that things turn out to be how I planned it. InsyaALLAH. 

september dah la.

Mak aihhh, dah September kan.. Perghh, laju nya, masa main lari- lari. Dah tak larat nak kejar ni. -,-

So, hi there September, howdoyoudo? *lame* Okay, since September is here, means, makin dekat untuk I bakal menempuh alam baru, which is I akan pursue my studies for degree pula. Degree I akan buat kat UiTM Shah Alam. Quite near to my house which is good. :) So the new semester starts (to be exact is) on 12 September. Nak dekat dah. I'm excited, scared at the same time but still looking forward. Macam #mixedemotions. InsyaAllah bakal bertemu dengan rakan- rakan seperjuangan yang di Penang. Rindu juga kat mereka. Tu je la kot September.

So, nak review what happened in August. Berpuasa selama sebulan. 30 August dah raya pertama, which means September tak sempat masuk kita dah raya dulu. *takde kena mengena pun September dengan raya kan?* Boleh dikatakan Ramdan yang agak mencabar pernah I lalui selama hidup 21 tahun ni. Macam- macam terjadi. Hanya Allah tahu perasaan I bile kenangkan Ramdan kembali. Apa-apa pun semua dah kembali normal dah. I dah mula nampak jalan yang benar. InsyaAllah semua akan baik- baik belaka. :)

Tu je la. Again, Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

I tak sehebat dia!

Sebelum nak merepek dalam entry ni, I nak wish. Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Minta ampun dan maaf dari hujung rambut ke hujung kaki, andai I pernah menyinggung perasaan kamu semua samada sengaja atau tidak sengaja. I manusia biasa yang tak lari dari melakukan kesilapan. Apa- apa pun, I maafkan segala kesalahan kamu semua dengan I if ada la kan. :) Let's forgive and forget. It's better that way. We can just go on and enjoy our lives. Okay, ayat wajib, maaf zahir dan batin. ;)

Alright, tak nak mengata atau apa- apa pun. Just ter-emo tak tentu pasal. Don't worry, ni just entry untuk nak sedapkan hati I sendiri. Well, nak remind myself in the future, manalah tahu kan, nanti tengah down- down ke, pastu baca entry ni terus jadi okay ke kan. Well, it all begins in a quiet early morning. I online as usual, but the thing that I hate bile I online lama- lama is I akan stalk orang. ~,~ (I ni jenis yang selalu online guna handphone je, guna laptop nak online tu bile ada kerja or memang nak mengadap laptop for such a longgg time.) I know, buat benda (stalking) tu jahat. But guess what I macam suke stalk orang. And I kept reminding myself not to stalk, because after I did some research (on my own), I found that, "the more I stalk, the more I get jealous and hurt *atau yang sewaktu dengannya*. Fyi, I stalk everyone. Like everyone I tell you. Kalau I rasa orang tu macam best untuk nak stalk and I pun akan stalk.

So here's the thing, bile I dah stalk, I tahu so much things yang orang try to hide or memang I tak perlu tahu things. Then mulalah I fikir macam- macam yang sangat macam-macam. I pun fikir I ni loser la apa lah, semualah. Meh la, senang nak cakap, bile I dah stalk I rasa yang...

• I ni tak se-HOT dia.
• I ni bukan la lawa sangat yang banyak lelaki nak suka- menyukai
• I ni tak se-cool macam dia.
• Wall kat Facebook I tak da la berderet lelaki nak wish itu ini; ambil berat pasal I.
• I ni tak la se-kurus melidi macam dia.
• I tak dress up nicely or vogue macam dia.
• Ayat I ni takda la se-canggih ayat dia.
• I ni memang la orang paling noob dalam dunia.
• I ni orang yang paling membosankan.
• I ni tak se-manja dia.
• I ni tak ramai pun yang nak 'LIKE' gambar I; puji comel ke cantik ke apa- apalah.
• I ni tak se-kaya dia.
• I ni makan banyak dari dia.
• I ni loser tahap apa pun I tak tahu.
• Muka I ni tak se-licin dia.
• I takda boyfriend banyak macam dia.
• Kawan perempuan I tak sebanyak macam dia.
• I tak hang out tempat cool- cool.
• Aktiviti harian I tak se-fun dia.
• Hidup I ni macam asyik TV je, walhal dia hang out dengan kawan semua sana- sini.
• I tak tangkap gambar comel-comel macam dia. 
• I tak pakai make up macam dia.
• I ni tak se-pandai dia.
• English I tak the bomb macam dia. (Alaa alaa, mat saleh minah saleh gitu.)
• I ni takde siapa pun yang teringin nak jumpa.
• I ni takda siapa yang nak miss- miss pun (kecuali lah, cousins or siblings, itu pun kalau ada. Yanngg adooo!)
• Blog I ni pun siapalah baca kan. BORINGGG! Lain lah dia, followers ramai tu! 
• ahhh, banyak sangat lagi kalau nak list out the things that I feel. 

*** 'dia' might refer to anyone, tak kisah la lelaki atau perempuan. I kan stalk semua orang (even siblings   sendiri)

Well, actually, I tak boleh terasa, kan? I yang cari pasal nak stalk, so be it! Feel the pain. Ehehe. And yes, I get it, stalking is not good for my soul. Haha. But above all those things that I feel, somehow I still masih bersyukur, I'm grateful and glad just to be me. I'm happy just being this way. Like a saying goes, everything happens for a reason, so there's a hidden reason to why Allah tak bagi I ada all those traits. Kann. Memang I bersyukur, I jadi diri I hari ni, sebab I takde those traits. But somehow I still nak change myself to be a better person. Tak nak la tak maju langsung. There are things I should consider in changing for my own's sake. :)

this is what jobless-boring-home-person do. :)

Ececeh, mentang-mentang lah die pernah kerja kan, sekarang ni bile tak kerja dah, dah pandai ye die, panggil diri die sendiri pengangur (betul ke eja ni O.o) Ekekeke. :D

Ahhh never mind. What's on my mind right now which I feel like blurting out is... I DAH PANDAI CUCI/ SIANG/ BERSIHKAN AYAM!! *whichever you guys say it* hahaha. Mesti kata "Hakeleyh die ni, boleh cuci ayam pun nak berlagak, kecoh lebih". Memang memang, I ni kecoh, takpe, I suke kecoh- kecoh. So what.. Well, actually, it's something yang quite impressive. Sebab before this I tak pernah cuci ayam, kalau cuci pun, cuci ayam yang memang dah bersih sebab mother always suruh double wash ayam before cooking it. And yeah, I cuci ayam tu without guidance. Mother was so tired. Father took home the chicken like 11.30pm at night. So mother dah tak larat, and I offered myself to wash it while mother slept at the hall because she was awaken when father got home. Then letak la segala asam jawa, so that ayam tu tak hanyir. Then kejut mother sebab die kata nak goreng ayam. And to my suprise, mother tak complain langsung about the chicken, it must be really cleaned and mencapai tahap piawaian kebersihan ayam to mother's perspective. Muahaha. Banggekan *man, you're lame Akmar* =.="

So next on the list for kerja yg I buat is memasak. Ok fine, bukan la masak sgt pun, just tolong kacau je. Ekekeke. Mother tak kasi I masak. So I just boleh kacau or kupas la segala bawang, alaa bahan nak masak. Tu je la. Anyhow, I still know how to cook, I mean, the way to cook a dish. Sbb by looking you actually can learn. :) For the time being, I dah tahu masak ayam goreng. Muahahaha. *alaa senang je pun (mesti ckp cmtu kan), amik kunyit, letak garam sikit, then panas minyak, letak ayam, then tunggu sehingga masak* pastu I tahu masak ayam masak lemak cili api, *my favorite*, sambal tumis *ni mmg dah pro, since duduk rumah sewa with dearest housemates* :D ada lah lagi few dishes. Tp not so much. Tak pe, perlahan perlahan. :)

Next kerja is, mengemas, haaa, ni kerja untuk hilang bosan. Kemas la kan bilik adik, then kemas bilik sendiri *in which tak siap lg*, then cuci-cuci dapur sikit. Haa, tu je lah.

Pastu, yang ni memang kerja wajibal ghunnah. Ekeke. Angkat kain, lipat kain, basuh pinggan, main dengan kucing, (O.o) kadang-kadang je basuh kain. Heee. 

Tak habis lagi, ada lagi kerja yg I buat, ni kerja yg paaaalllllliiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnngggggggg I suke. Facebooking, tweeting, watching tv takpun tgk movie. Haaa. Ini kerja tak payah suruh pun, mmg I rela hati buat. Muahaha. 

Haaa, itu je la keja I buat kat rumah, bosan kan, tapi sebenarnye, I rase mcm best ade, malas ade, semua lah ade. Bak kata trending dlm Twitter; #mixedemotions. Ekekek. XD

dah ade boyfriend?!

Haaa, look look look at the title for this post. Obviously, ni mesti pasal boyfriend thingy kan. Yes, exactly!! Bijak! So, ni lah soalan yang macam I dah tak larat nak jawab. Boring.. *yawn*

Senang cakap la kan, the answer to the question above is "No, I don't have a boyfriend". Okay, faham kan, I takde boyfriend. Malu tak takde boyfriend? "Tak la, tak malu pun takde boyfriend. Biase je perasaan die. :)"

Alright, soalan ni actually haunts me, bile I found a new friend ke, or meet up with old friends, ni lah soalan yang akan pop up! Haha. Lucu kan. I tak kisah kalau orang tanya soalan ni actually, but then I don't like benda tambahan yang orang akan cakap bile tahu I takde boyfriend. Usually orang akan cakap "Tipu, tipulah takde boyfriend!" Oh mann, why should I lie, it so happen that I don't have a boyfriend at the moment, so cakap la takde, takkan I nak tipu kata ade kot. =.=" I'm not desperate to tell the whole world that I'm in a relationship. Besides, kalau I tipu kata ade, lelaki mana I nak rembat cakap yang die boyfriend I. Haha. Lawak bukan.

So, senang kata at the moment I memang not in a relationship. Tapi kalau I ade sekali pun, I takkan jugak heboh kat semua member member I kate I dah ade boyfriend. Kalau mereka tanya then only I answer, yang pasti I tak nak kecoh kecoh la, takut nanti break up, haha, free free je orang gelakkan. :D But hey, eventhough I'm not in a relationship it doesn't mean yang I ni tak nak in a relationship ke ape. Cume right now I nak focus kat diri I dulu sekejap. Nak betul kan diri dulu, then only think of these things. And right now, I tengah getting know a few guys actually, it's all because I don't want the same thing happen to me again. :) So this time I better watch out. :)